


Human.

by lbk_princen



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Post-Nogitsune, gotta love that sweet sweet trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 17:04:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16538669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lbk_princen/pseuds/lbk_princen
Summary: What if you did something bad?What if youlikedit?(A short car-scene exploring some of Stiles' feelings after his experiences being possessed.)





	Human.

**Author's Note:**

> Another old drabble I thought I'd rescue from my docs and finally, FINALLY put out into the world (wide web). I love Stiles as a character. ADHD bicon tbh. (You can read this as sciles if you want but I wrote it to be platonic.)

“What’s wrong?” Stiles asked, his voice sounding slightly annoyed. Scott had been checking his phone with an increasingly worried look on his face every thirty seconds since they’d gotten into Roscoe.

“Liam hasn’t texted me back.” Scott’s forehead was creased as he stared anxiously at the screen of his phone.

Stiles would have rolled his eyes if he wasn’t busy paying attention to the road. They were on their way to Derek’s house for dinner. “So what, dude? You need to quit helicoptering him. It’s not cute.” He said it as a joke, but his tone had too much bite in it.

Scott didn’t say anything for a moment, then looked over at Stiles and studied his face. Stiles readjusted his hand on the wheel, glancing over at Scott once and then shifting uncomfortably.

Stiles felt himself beginning to sweat and snapped, “What?”

“Are you sure the Nogitsune is _completely_ gone from your mind?”

The question made Stiles’ heart jump erratically, and Scott’s voice made something cold and hard form in his stomach. Stiles swallowed, and focused on the horizon through the windshield. “Yeah- yeah, I’m pretty sure,” he said, quieter. “Why?”

Scott looked away, torn between frustration and guilt. “I’ve just noticed… You’ve been so… _Mean_ lately.”

“Mean?” Stiles repeated. His grip on the wheel was slipping from the sweat between his fingers, so he gripped it hard with both hands. “How- what do you- ‘mean’ how?”

Scott shrugged, rubbing his phone between his hands. “Just… Little things. You insult people and expect them to take it as a joke.”

“It is just a joke, though,” Stiles said earnestly, sneaking a glance at Scott while they were stopped at a red light. “I swear.”

“You don’t say it like a joke, though.” Scott avoided Stiles’ gaze, which made Stiles queasy. He faced the road again, his knuckles turning white from how tight he was gripping Roscoe’s wheel.

“So?” Stiles swallowed again. He could feel the fluttering of anxiety in his chest. Did Scott not like him anymore? Was he really driving his best friend away just because of some stupid jokes?

“Remember when Liam was first bitten, and we were talking about what to do with him for the full moon?” Scott’s voice was soft. He didn’t sound angry, but Stiles knew that he was good at controlling his anger. As a werewolf, he had to be. “You said something about chloroform and throwing him in the lake.”

“Has being an alpha really gotten to your sense of humour, Scott?” Stiles forced a chuckle.

Scott finally looked at him. “That’s not a funny thing to say, Stiles,” he said, in his Serious Alpha voice. “It’s cruel.”

“I need to pull over,” Stiles said. His arms were shaking and he was having trouble concentrating on the road.

Roscoe’s tires bounced over the lip of a gas station parking lot. Stiles hit the brakes a little too quickly, so he and Scott both jerked in their seats when the jeep stopped.

“I don’t know what to say,” Stiles said, his voice quick and slightly strained. “I mean, I really, really don’t want to hurt people Scott- I don’t want to lose my friends.” He took a deep breath.

“Do you think it’s the Nogitsune?” Scott pressed nervously.

“No!” Stiles shook himself. “No. No, it- it’s definitely not. The- It’s just me in here,” he said, tapping his head. “But that might be worse.”

Scott said nothing, and leaned back in his seat.

Stiles’ eyes darted anxiously from his friend to the dashboard to his own lap. “I still feel so horrible about everything that happened,” he admitted quietly. “For a while I thought- I thought maybe I was getting over it. But then I kept having these dreams-”

“You still have nightmares?” Scott interrupted.

Stiles blinked at him. “Don’t you?”

Scott shrugged and a tiny, humourless smile twisted his lips. “Yeah.”

Stiles nodded, and wiped his hands on his jeans. “The thing is, these dreams weren’t nightmares.” The words came out thick. His throat felt clogged, heavy with guilt. “I- you have to understand, Scott, I know it was wrong, I _know_ it was. I didn’t want to hurt anyone, I- not at all.” He took a deep, shuddery breath, looking anywhere but at Scott.

“Stiles, what is it?” There was no way Scott couldn’t smell the waves of anxiety rolling off of Stiles.

“I remember it all, man. I wasn’t- it wasn’t _me_ doing it but I remember what it felt like. And it felt _good._ ”

“It was probably just the Nogitsune messing with you,” Scott said rationally. But Stiles shook his head.

“My dreams- the Nogitsune is gone, but I still.. The memory of it. I… I like it.” Stiles put his head in his hands. “And I hate myself for it.”

For a couple seconds, the only sound Stiles could hear was his own heartbeat. Those few seconds of silence felt like an eternity of torture.

“What do you mean?” Scott said, slowly, breaking the tension.

Stiles stared at his knees. “I mean the memories aren’t all bad. I hate that I hurt you Scott, and I would never- I would never…”

“Breathe, Stiles,” Scott said. Stiles forced out a long exhalation, and some of the tightness in his chest loosened.

“I hate that I hurt you, but the memory still feels good. The power felt really, really good. I’m- I’m really sorry, Scott.” His voice was choked, his eyes wet with tears. “It’s just that- I always feel so _helpless_.”

“Stiles,” Scott said softly.

“You and Derek and Malia and Liam and Kira, you’re all so incredible and _powerful_ and I just- for once in my goddamn life I was in control of something, do you have any idea how _amazing_ that is? It- it was exhilarating, it was horrible and cruel and _monstrous_ -”

“Stiles,” Scott said again.

“-and I _know_ it was! I KNOW that, but for fucking once I wasn’t _helpless_ and I-”

“Stiles!” Scott grabbed his shoulder, pulling him up from where he had started to rock back and forth, head still in his hands. Stiles looked up, his eyes red and puffy, tears glistening on his cheeks, lower lip trembling. Scott looked him straight in the eye, the same kindness and warmth in them as always. “It’s okay,” he said.

Stiles felt like his lungs were trying to crawl up his throat. “It’s not okay,” he croaked, hitting the inside of the jeep door with a closed fist. “It’s not _okay_ Scott, nothing about this is _okay_ . I’m- I’m a liability because of my… my _insecurities_. What if I’m tempted by something? What if I snap and go crazy and hurt you or Lydia or Malia? I don’t want to hurt anybody, Scott, I don’t-”

Scott reached over and pulled his friend into a tight hug. Stiles hugged back, his arms squeezing Scott’s shoulders and his hands grabbing for his back. He smothered a silent sob in Scott’s collar, feeling relieved and hating himself at the same time. The smell of him was achingly familiar and comforting.

“It’s okay,” Scott repeated, his voice soft by Stiles’ ear. “I trust you.”

Those words made Stiles grip Scott tighter, his eyes squeezing shut to stave off the tears. He wanted to say something, but his emotions were clogging his chest up too much for him to speak.

“You’re not bad for wanting to feel powerful,” Scott murmured. “Nobody likes feeling helpless. Lots of people have those kinds of thoughts.”

“Not normal people,” Stiles mumbled.

“When have you ever been normal?” That drew a wet laugh out of Stiles, and Scott gave him a little squeeze, but didn’t break the embrace. “Really, Stiles, it’s alright. You’re not evil, or crazy. You’re just human.”

The word ‘human’ tore through Stiles like a knife. “Yeah,” he breathed out, voice wavering. In the twisted, supernatural world they were now forever part of, ‘human’ was just another word for meat. It was vulnerability, it was weakness, it was an easy target. He pushed away the memory of all the times he’d seriously thought about asking Scott to Bite him, so that he could really know what it was like for all of them. His voice was small when he repeated Scott’s words.

“Just human.”

**Author's Note:**

> For the record, I want to add that the little comments about "normal people" and the use of the word "crazy" were used because they felt in-character. This is a work of fiction and does not reflect how I the author feel or think about mental illness/neurodivergence. I'm neurodivergent myself! Anyway I hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading!!


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